Out of place....

Dear You,
Have you ever felt that you don't belong to the place you must be living, that you have to be there for any reason, whatever it is, maybe kids, family, work...But every time you wake up your mind has that strange sensation that you are not part of that place.
No matter what you do. No matter how hard you try, every day is the same. Even if you smile and have some moments of happiness, you still feel you don't belong to that place... The only thing you wanna do is just escape from that reality you must be living...
I'm so tired of living that way for my entire life, at the beginning I thought it was just my age but then when I discovered I was abandoned by my biological parents and adopted by a couple I found out what was really happening in my mind.
I can't complain about the life they gave me, I have everything I wanted except real love. The new mother always pushed me to be perfect and the father was so strange I can't describe. I felt empty all my life. And then I had the chance to travel for one year to another country, where everything passed to me... But I felt more alive than ever in my entire life, I felt relief. For the first time, I felt I belong somewhere and I allowed myself to be happy sometimes. I enjoyed the time on my own as a treasure...
The year was over and I chose to go back to the little town that keeps me trapped. I know it was my decision, among other factors, but I thought I have to do my mom's job and didn't abandon my kids the way my biological parents did with me. However, it's the mom's duty to abandon something that makes her happy to stay with kids that don't need her? I'm trying to do my best but every day it is getting worse for me to handle this situation and my anxiety is getting bigger and bigger every single day.
Should I try to take my kids with me to another place even if I don't have the resources to feed them? Should I quit life? Should I try?

PanDa